justrun-.

i feel like a ticking bomb, about to explode any minute. my moods are so unpredictable nowadays. well the only thing constant is that i feel horrible, but the degree to which i feel it seems to vary. one moment i think i'm "recovering", and the next i feel like my face is flat down on the ground again.

am very overwhelmed by everything. i really want to quit. but what will i do in place of it? plus my schoolwork is lagging like crap. i am very worried and stressed and it makes me unable to sleep at night. it seems so senseless to worry so much about an exam. and it's not a teensy bit of anxiety, it is like .. heaps and mountains of stress and unhappiness. for a better life in the future? is this supposed to be "small" compared to what is ahead? everyone seems to think that studying is like the best part of their lives..

been growing fatter again. i am annoyed at my body. i think it is too sensitive to small changes in calorie consumption. disgusting...

received a text message from a certain someone i haven't heard from for ages today. content of the message made me buy a copy of a certain mag. after spotting it in the supermarket, i quickly flipped through to look for the page. when i found it, saw the pictures, read the words, and i just froze. felt like someone had glued me to the ground. memories rushed back to me and i felt like an amnesia patient who'd just recovered (they usually go a bit mad from remembering right.. in movies at least...). whatever i feel, they must be feeling a gazillion times worse.. :( and that is unimaginable. don't know what to do what to say .. wish i could go over and spend some time with them. because over there, i know i'll be able to feel small bits of your presence.

zz. i should really go sleep. i need sleep. and maybe some pills for anxiety or something. think i'm going to breakdown if i keep going on like this.

[pat]* decided to runaway-.

put on her shoes at [23:09]

and took [20080222] strides

it's the passion that drives you